I have a question. You know all the popular "Mommy Blogs?" The blogs where young mothers talk about how wonderful and stressful and difficult and rewarding being a mom to young children can be? What I want to know is where are the blogs where middle-aged (I can't believe I just said that) mothers like myself talk about their TEENAGERS? We've covered potty training, night terrors, crayon on the walls, spoons in the toilet, and ketchup on the walls. We're all willing to write about the trials and rewards of learning to share, learning to obey, having picnics in the sunshine, and taking wonderful indoor rainy day adventures .
Well, where are the blogs about the holes punched in the walls with a bare fist? Where are the posts about the child who wouldn't talk to you for six hours because you asked him/her to stop banging the console cover while you were driving in the car? What about teenagers who sleep around? What about drinking and drugs? What about pornography? What about kids who quit coming to church? What about our sweet little ones who grow up and drop out of high school?
I know the trials of motherhood with toddlers. And I enjoy reading the Mommy Blogs. I especially enjoy reading the blogs of my sister and sisters-in-law and hearing about the antics of my nieces and nephews. But I just want to say that it is difficult (and oh so painful) for parents like me who have struggles with their children that are of a more personal nature, and cannot really be written about on blog posts or Facebook, or even in a private journal. I ache to blurt it all out somewhere, to confess that I want to quit, to wonder if I was really not cut out to be a mother at all.
The fact of the matter is that I have four wonderful children. They are healthy and whole. I love them desperately and am trying my best to be a good mother and a good mommy. But guess what? The little ones grow up and make their own choices. Choices that hurt themselves and their loved ones. What can a mother do? Not much. Not much at all.
And I wonder if it mattered at all that we read Drummer Hoff ten thousand times with voices and sound effects. That I slept on the floor when they were sick or scared. That we made cookies together and drank hot chocolate when it was cold. That I squirted whipped cream straight into their mouths and on the end of their little noses. That I hand-made the Christmas stockings they still use. That I let them eat cereal for dinner when Daddy wasn't home. That I took them to church and told them stories of Jesus. That I saved jars for them to catch bugs in. That I paid them a quarter to poop in the potty.
And I wonder if it will matter at all that I can't sleep night after night when they don't come home until 2 am. That my thoughts are constant prayers for their safety and can't He do something to help? That I hug them and stroke their hair when they cry. That I get up each morning when all I want to do is lay in my bed until I turn quietly to dust.
There. How's that for a Mommy Blog?
4 hours ago