Monday, August 22, 2011

WARNING: There is a new post here.

Don't fall out of your chair or have a heart attack or anything, but I think I'm going to put up a new post today!  After a month of recovery from vacations and Girls' Camp, I feel ready to rejoin the blogging world.  Why now, you ask?

Well, because today I cried.  I started crying just before midnight, and I cried off and on all night, and I've cried several times this morning, and it's not even noon yet!  (What a pansy!)

I cried because my beautiful baby girl is starting her senior year of high school.  And she's so lovely and smart and she's doing amazing things--I just don't know what happened to the last seventeen years.

I cried because my little round-headed bundle of fishing joy started middle school today.  He's tall and he has a little mustache (which gratefully he shaves off every few days), and his voice is low and he's not a little boy any more.

I cried because my little Isaac, my baby, went riding down the street on his bike, all alone, no older siblings with him, to be the last Cutchins left at the elementary school.  He couldn't sleep last night and wanted me to cuddle with him, so I did.  How many more chances will I have?  I sang him the lullabies that I haven't sung for years, and I stayed with him until he fell asleep.  This morning, Wade said, "Wow.  It's weird to have him going, and I'm not going with him."  Tell me about it, Wade!!

And now I'm crying because we just got a letter from our missionary boy.  He said he's sorry he's not here to help Dennis with some work we're doing around the house.  He said he feels bad that he's been busy all week helping others, and his Dad is at home working alone.  (Who are you and what did you do with my son??)  He also said he really misses being able to talk to us and ask us our advice.  He said, "You just don't realize how important something is until you don't have it anymore."  And I caught a glimpse of the mature adult that seems to be taking the place of the handsome, eager, but immature young man that we sent out nearly two years ago.

These happy tears sting just a little because HOLY COW when did my children get to be so old?  When did I get to be so old?  (Insert Tevye singing "Sunrise, Sunset...")  I love that I've had all these years to nuture them and take care of them, but I realize that now I'm going to have to learn new ways to be a mom, because they just don't need the same things that they used to.  And it's kind of cool.

Although, I have to confess, it felt really, really good to sing those old bedtime songs.  I guess I need to do that more often, just for old times' sake.

11 comments:

Sharon said...

Wow, I can't believe how fast the past 2 years have flown by! You'll have your son back home before you know it!!

And I love that you got to sing bedtime songs. Sometimes I try to rack my brain for a few more, to increase the selection that I sing, but I'm sure Catherine doesn't mind the same ones over and over. :)

Kristen said...

I can't believe that my baby is starting kindergarten. It makes me kind of sad and I am even going to be his teacher!

Rachel said...

aww! This is so sweet! You're an awesome mom.

Anna B said...

1. I almost jumped up and did a dance because of a new blog post, but I'm in a public place so I refrained.

2. I love this post--it almost made me cry; but again, i'm in a public place. You will be such a great mom of older kids and eventually adults. I think I might be more dependent on my mom as an adult than as kid.

Julie said...

I'm so glad you blogged again. The way you say things and express your thoughts and feelings--love it. I can SO relate. You are awesome, Marianne!

Kazzy said...

Yes, they are never too old to be sung to, I agree.

I love being a mom to older kids. Adult kids. It is so incredibly rewarding when they stop putting themselves first (who knew?) and become really responsible and kind big people. You will really learn to love it!

When does Elder C come home? Right after Christmas?

Erica said...

I LOVE that you cuddled with your youngest. That is so darn precious ;). You are such a cute mom.

t.t.turner said...

He's really been out almost two years?! Holy cow!

Hubba said...

I miss you! You have such a kind heart,

Tat said...

I can't believe how big your kids are either. And I don't like change, which is pretty much the definition of being a mother. You are being subjected to constant change in the needs and experiences of your kids, and it is terribly difficult!!! I do love it, though.

Meredith said...

It's moments like this that remind me why I love you! You are the best!