Friday, October 28, 2011

A Nightmare

In my dream, I was sitting on the floor with Dennis; he was behind me and I was leaning on his chest.  Wade and Isaac were playing nearby with some kind of action figures.  They were using boxes for tables.

Dennis said, "I have something I have to tell you."  I listened and Wade and Isaac continued to play.

He then confessed to me that he was married to someone else.  He had been for the whole of our nearly 23 years together.  In my dream, the breath I took was literally painful.  It was a shudder full of knives and broken glass.  He was crying, and I couldn't breathe.  I said, "Who is she?  Where is she?!"

I jumped up and turned to face him.  Wade quietly gathered the action figures and said to Isaac, "Come on, Isaac.  Let's go play somewhere else."

I looked out the dream window and it was raining.  I wondered where Kate was.  I wondered how my husband could be married to someone else when he is clearly married to me.  I wanted him to tell me how it all worked, how it all happened, how I could have fallen in love with him when he was married to someone else.  How he could have fallen in love with me when he was married to someone else.

He was trying to speak but his words wouldn't come out.  He was blubbering.  I thought it was fitting.  I wondered how I would support myself after I divorced him, because I WILL NOT stay married to someone who is also married to someone else.  Duh.  I also knew that we would have to cancel our Disneyland trip because Disneyland is no fun when your husband is married to someone else.  Duh.

Then I looked around at my blubbering husband and the unfamiliar apartment in which we found ourselves, and the empty boxes, and I thought, "Hey!  I don't live here.  This is not my house, and these are not my boxes.  This is a very bad dream!"

And I took a new breath that did not hurt, and I walked out the door of that place.

I opened my eyes and looked around the dark bedroom.  Dennis was cuddled up next to me, like he is every night, and the little solar light he put in the window for me was glowing softly.  I could see the shadowy blades of the ceiling fan he installed last summer when I fussed that I was too hot.  His book proposal that I read for him last night was sitting on the dresser, and my half-eaten Caramello bar was oozing caramel on a piece of foil that I left on my dressing table.  I almost woke Dennis up to make sure he wasn't married to anyone else, but my easy breathing assured me that he isn't.  So I closed my eyes and went back to sleep.

4 comments:

heath said...

Ooh, those kinds of dreams are the worst! But it's great once you wake up and realize that it's not reality. Makes you appreciate what you've got.

Erica said...

oh my heck! What a horrible dream!!! Aren't you so glad that your husband is yours? He seems like such a great guy. I always thought it was so cute that he would come over when flute choir was done and "get you."

Anna B said...

that is a HORRIBLE dream!! (tho the part about disneyland was kind of funny). one time i had a dream that i was pregnant and was actually on the delivery table. i kept insisting that i hadn't taken the steps necessary for getting pregnant, but nobody would believe me, because, well, i was in fact having the child. so i kept trying to think if i could have slept with somebody and not remembered. and then i thought, maybe this is a dream....but i didn't wake up, so i was doubly panicked. and then i did finally wake up. whew! i knew i couldn't be pregant.

Kazzy said...

Yipes!! I can never shake those kinds of nightmares until at least a day has passed.