It had to happen sooner or later.
And I've kind of known it was coming for a while.
But it is still sad and painful, and I'm really struggling.
MY CELL PHONE DIED.
Yesterday, Dennis called me, and when I tried to flip my phone open to answer, it only opened about two inches. So I closed it and tried again. Still won't open. So I put it back in my pocket because I was about to go in to a meeting. An hour later, I tried again, and it opened just fine, but the screen was black. So I took out the battery and put it back in, and turned it on, and it buzzed just like it was supposed to, and my heart was happy because my trusty friend seemed to be OK. But then I tried to call Dennis back, and the screen was still black!!! OH NO!!! So I hurried to my office and called Dennis on my office line, and reported the horrible news.
He immediately understood the gravity of my situation, and although he didn't say it, I think he was silently chastising me because I told him about 10 days ago that my cell phone was fine and I did not want him to get me a new one for my birthday. So he came to my office and picked me up and took me cell phone shopping.
I hate cell phone shopping.
I loved my old pink Razor. It had all my favorite wallpaper pictures on it. The picture I took of Isaac when he was about four years old, asleep on the couch all wrapped in his favorite blankie. The picture I took of the flowers one of Paul's friends gave me at Paul's 18th birthday party. Pictures at my graduation. Pictures of Wade's broken arm. Pictures of Kate with Brian Stokes Mitchell. A picture of Paul at the airport right when he came home from his mission. All the pictures I would look at when I was lonely for my family while I was at work or traveling. All gone.
What about my saved texts? I had eight messages that I have been saving for years. One that Dennis sent me when the new First Presidency was announced. One from Kate when she was visiting Kendall and Lainie in San Francisco, telling me all about spitting off the Golden Gate bridge, and going to In-n-Out and renting movies and having the twins jump on her bed in the morning and putting their cold toes on her tummy. One from Paul when he was a senior in high school and I got a text from him that said, "I love you." And I texted back and asked if he was OK, and he said, "Yes. We just read a sad poem about a kid who's mom dies and it made me miss you." One from Dennis when I was traveling last year that said, "Isaac said that every morning he gets a rare feeling that means he misses you." One from Paul on his mission wishing me a Happy Birthday. Another one from Paul on his mission that said, "We are singing 'Love at Home' and it's reminding me of getting in trouble!" (When Paul and Kate used to fight, I would make them stand in the corner and sing "Love at Home." Not one of my best parenting ideas...now they both hate that song...). All gone.
And my contact list! Oh, my poor, gone contacts! Since I was afraid of this very thing happening, I had a paper list of all my phone contacts. (It's a long and complicated story about why I didn't keep my contacts on my SIM card, but I didn't, so there you go). But now I have to type them all back in, and wouldn't you know it, the functions on my new phone are just different enough that every time I want to make a space, I get a random punctuation mark, and I still can't figure out how to make capital letters. And I am NOT a texter who forgoes capitalization and punctuation rules just because I'm texting. I just can't do it.
And if you must know, the answer is yes. Yes, I cried. Big, hot tears that rolled down my cheeks as I thought about all my gone photos. All my gone texts. My inability to find the capital letter of my choice.
I am so sad.
Dennis teased me because he knows I hate change, and this is definitely change. But I don't think it's all that funny. And yes, I will learn to text with my new phone (it has a QWERTY keyboard for Pete's Sake, I ought to be able to make that work!), and I'll forget what it was like to find the capital letters on my old pink Razor. But my new phone is NOT pink, and I don't have my pictures, and my sweet old texts.
So I'll try to pick up the pieces and move on, but I think my heart will always have a little ache for the things that are gone.
7 hours ago