Thursday, April 26, 2012

Fresh Wood, Lilacs, and Popcorn

Yesterday I went to Home Depot.  As I walked down the aisles filled with lumber, I breathed deep and filled my heart with the smell of fresh wood.  I love that smell.  I breathed faster so I could get a little more before I headed for the appliances. It occurred to me to wonder why I love that smell.  I don't particularly like to build things, and I haven't spent a lot of time around fresh-cut lumber.  But I realized that the smell of fresh wood is the smell of something that is new, something that is being created, and it fills me with hope.

The smell of fresh wood fills me with hope.


This morning I went out to the backyard with a pair of scissors.  Our lilac bush is heavy with beautiful purple blossoms, and I wanted to take some to work with me.  I looked at those tiny little flowers, all clumped together, and reached for a branch to snip.  As my hand disturbed the stillness, the glorious scent that is lilac billowed up around me.  I smelled the smell of childhood springs, of the peaceful evenings when it was someone else's responsibility to take care of me, of quiet afternoons on the swing, breathing in the lilacs.  In the early morning light, I was flooded with a sense of longing.  My mind spilled out memories of lilac bushes of the past, and the people who lived around them and brought the flowers into their kitchens--bushes and people and kitchens I love.

The smell of lilacs fills me with nostalgia.

Some days when I am in the living room teaching a lesson, Isaac or Wade will go in the kitchen and make some popcorn.  The smell will waft out to me, and make my mouth water and my tummy start doing flip-flops.  I love to eat popcorn, but I also love to smell popcorn.  The dry, fresh smell of popcorn fills me with anticipation for the the salty, buttery heaven that is to come.  Popcorn is who I take with me when I need a time out in my bed, or when I want to watch Singing and Dancing movies, or when making dinner is just too hard.  Popcorn is comfort.  Popcorn is peace.

The smell of popcorn fills me with happiness.


Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Friday, April 20, 2012

Things I Know

People who go to Leslie's French Pastries Shop and eat a whole cream cheese danish and a whole mint brownie with nuts get what they deserve.  Boy, do I feel sick!  (I saved the eclair for later...)

People who stay up late at night playing Hanging with Friends are probably going to be really, really tired the next day(s). Ugggg.

People who have a 30 on the ACT and 3.88 GPA do not get scholarships to BYU.  At least, not if they live in Provo.

People who spend all their money going to Disneyland do not have much money left to pay for wedding things.

People who run around pantsing their friends and little brothers are gonna get what's coming to them.  (I hope I'm there to see it...)

See, look at all the great things you can learn by hanging around with me!

Thursday, April 19, 2012

It's Not Really My Fault

I would just like to go on the record as saying that it is not my fault (usually) when I don't get up a Wordless Wednesday. 

Yesterday it was Kate's fault.  Because she was on the computer for, like, EVER.  Mostly she was watching Dr. Who, and who can fault her for that?  She also spent a fair amount of time with me looking around on the BYU website, figuring out MyMap and registration and what the stupid heck is Freshman Mentoring???  (Heather, where are you??!!!)  Anyway, by the time we had dinner and the evening wore away, Wednesday was over and I had missed my chance.

However, since this is my blog and I can do whatever I want, I'm going to post yesterday's Wordless Wednesday.  But now it's Thursday, and I've already blown the wordless part, so let's call it  Yesterday.  With Words.

I know.  You're going to die from my cleverness.

So without further ado:

There you go.  You may now return to your regularly scheduled program.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Monday, April 2, 2012

If At First You Don't Succeed....

I was SO inspired by General Conference.  I was touched, reminded, chastised, and uplifted multiple times throughout the weekend.  And was it just me, or was the music especially wonderful this time around?

Particularly applicable to my life was President Uchdorf's talk.  You know the one I mean.  The one when he looked directly at me and said, "STOP IT."  That one cut me to the core.  I am a horrible gossip, and I've always justified my gossiping by sticking ONLY to the facts, and using those facts to share knowledge that I think others might find useful.  I don't gossip for gossip's sake, but I love to talk about other people!  I like to help solve their problems, or see how their struggles and successes affect my life.  I also am a first-class award-winning whiner.  That is something I felt pretty bad about before the fateful "STOP IT" came into my life.  Another thing?  I have a bit of a temper.  I get mad and I stay mad.  I hold grudges until their edges are frayed and worn and I can't even remember their original color.  The whole thing makes me nervous that I am overdue for some of the polishing President Eyring referred to...

Anyway, after President Uchdorf's talk, I felt loved and inspired to do better.  To be better.  To STOP IT.  To stop fussing and whining and complaining and nursing my wounds and start loving and caring and helping and serving others.

Until we got stuck in traffic Sunday night coming home from Grammy's house.  And the lane we were in was closing and we were trying to merge in very heavy traffic, and Dennis had his turn signal on for what seemed like ten minutes.  And no one would let us in.  So Dennis started easing over, and still the driver behind us wouldn't let us in.  So he kept easing and she kept coming, until the kids in the back seat were literally looking at the driver in the car that wasn't all that behind us anymore.  The road was bumpy and the kids were talking and the music was playing, and I thought I heard a little bump.  I asked Dennis, "Did you hit that car?  Did that car run in to us?"  Dennis didn't think so, but the kids in the back said we did.  At any rate, it was at most a bump.  A BUMP.

I'm getting angry just thinking about it, and that is not the point here.  The point here is that even though I feel we have been wronged, I need to let it go, cease worrying with it, and just STOP IT.  I knew that last night while I cussed and cursed and cried about the jerk in that car, who had the gall to call the police and report us as leaving the scene of an "accident."  I knew it while I was sassing the police officer and asking him if the freeway was just a free-for-all and that as long as someone is in their established lane, they can do anything they want, right?  RIGHT?!!  I even knew it while I took deep breaths and covered my face with my jacket and cried, and I felt Kate's little hand on my shoulder from the seat behind me.  I knew it.  I knew it the whole time.  I even thought about President Uchdorf and how disappointed he would be in the shining example I was setting for my children and my poor embarrassed nephew.  I knew it.  But I didn't let it into my heart to change me.

I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry to my husband and children for my horrible behavior.  I'm sorry to the kind police man who was just trying to do his job.  I'm trying to be sorry to the lady who I think was a dummy, and stop thinking that she is a dummy and  try to think of her as a nervous driver who was doing her best to deal with a bad traffic situation.  I'm really trying to STOP IT.  I have to do better.  I just have to.

And I'll keep trying.  Trying, trying, trying.  And one of these days, maybe I'll get it right.