Friday, June 22, 2012

Keeping My Chin Up

To say that this week has been hard would be a bit of an understatement.  To say that this week has been horrible would be a bit of an exaggeration.  We're struggling along somewhere in the middle.

Paul and Nicole gently informed us on Tuesday evening that their wedding, scheduled for June 28, would not be happening.  As a parent, you feel you have the right to know exactly why you have to change the course of a roaring freight train, but you also recognize your child's right to privacy, especially during a time like this.  So we're not asking too many questions (I hope!!), and we're definitely not telling the whole world the details of a very private decision.

However, it was a struggle for me to flush hundreds and hundreds of dollars down the drain as we cancelled flights, hotels, tuxedo rentals, and restaurant reservations.  We printed little cards (see Wordless Wednesday), bought 500 envelopes, and a butt load of stamps to let everyone know of the change of plans.  We made difficult phone calls to family who are getting ready to travel to inform them that their trips were no longer necessary (but that we would really love the visit if they still wanted to come)!

I am positive that Nicole's family were also anxiously engaged in similar activities this week.

You want to be positive and supportive with your child, and with his sweet fiancee, when they have to deal with this kind of decision.  You also want to demand answers.  It's a fine line to walk, let me tell you!  You also want to cry really, really hard, and in fact, you do so, after you are finished talking to the unhappy couple.  You may even throw up.

The learning curve is extremely steep in this kind of situation.  You have to move fast, but you don't want to overlook anything, and you have a million bases to cover.  I am still trying to decide what kind of counsel to give concerning the wedding and shower gifts they have already received.

I woke up yesterday morning with a headache the likes of which I have rarely experienced, and that's saying something, since I consider myself something of an expert in the "constant headache" department.  Physical pain is probably something to be expected when the stress levels go this high, which is too bad, because it doesn't really help.

The outpouring of love and concern from friends and family, however, really does help.  And to those of you who have called, texted, commented, and visited with hugs and tears, I would just like to say thank you.  A very deep and heartfelt thank you.  We appreciate your concern.  We really, really do.

So, we wait.  We wait for another gentle announcement from our boy and his girl.  I don't have a clue as to what kind of time line we are looking at.  Whatever it is, I hope they can figure things out and that they can be happy.  I just hope they know that I love them.

16 comments:

heath said...

Hang in there. I can't imagine all the mixed emotions that must come to a mother at a time like this: helpless, overwhelmed, sad, frustrated, worried. Sigh. I'm so sorry!

t.t.turner said...

He is so lucky to have you as his mother. Love you, Marianne.

The Blackham3 said...

Love you Marianne. You totally rock and will get though this. Sounds like two level headed kids figuring things out in a very mature way. Hang in there kiddo! {{{{HUGS}}}}

Lizzy Lambson said...

I wish I could take you to Wendy's for like 500 frosties and at least that many fries. :(

Melody said...

I love you, Sis. Hugs and donuts to you and Paul and Nicole.

Erin said...

Sounds like you're doing an amazing job handling everything. I hope things calm down soon and that they're able to figure out what's best for them. Marriage is definitely not something to rush into, so it's good that they're taking the time to sort out whatever it is that needs sorting rather than just forging ahead. Not that you don't already know that or that makes it any easier on you.

Becky Baugh said...

Being a parent can be so hard. Please know that we love you and are thinking of you.

Anna B said...

You guys are so amazing--my heart is with you. Your kids are so lucky to have loving, supportive parents, which will make all the difference. loves.

Erica said...

You are a strong woman! Think of how much you will be blessed in Heaven for giving up your earthly possessions (money) to have a good wedding for your son. And to them, I can't imagine how hard it was knowing how much you have already invested and having to tell you that the wedding needed to be postponed. I am not going to name names, but one of our mutual friends had to do this and it was very hard for her. People demanded answers where they had no business and I'm not meaning parents either. You are a fabulous mom to support them in this because I'm sure some parents wouldn't be as supportive. LOVES!

Susan said...

What a difficult time for you and for them. Sounds like you're handling everything really well. I can only imagine how tricky it is to un-plan a wedding in just a couple of days. I'm sure your son appreciates your love and support at a time like this. HUGS!

Julie said...

Just got back from Mia Shalom and saw the news. Hang in there and know you are loved!

Jessie said...

Love you Marianne. Hang in there!!!

Lyndsay said...

:( This makes me so sad. I love you guys all so much. I hope that things work out soon. <3 <3

Kim said...

You are an awesome, patient, understanding mother, Marianne. Seriously, hats off to you in a difficult situation. I hope you're hanging in there!! Hugs!!

Kazzy said...

I have been at girls camp, but got the postponement card in the mail when I got home. I hope all is well with you and your family. You are right about restraint being a delicate balance. You try to show support and concern without intruding. It's tough. You are a good mom. And these kids are being smart in making a hard decision. I know of at least 2 couples that rushed things because of social expectations, and one just finalized their divorce. Whatever your son and his sweetheart are working through, they seem to be sensitive to the spirit.

sachiko said...

brave, brave kids. i wish i had guts like that. it has to be right. it wasn't right when i got married--not that i'm sad about it because it's made me into who i am today, but i go back over and over again in my mind and wish i had the courage to listen to that prompting instead of letting my pride get in the way because we were just a few days before the wedding ourselves. you have an amazing son and that's because you are an amazing woman. love ya!