Sorry I've been AWOL lately. I'm tellin' ya, I'm in WAY over my head these days. And the really sad thing is that I'm not doing anything!! Well, technically, that's not quite true, but I'm not doing much, so I'm not only feeling bad that I'm not doing all the things I should be doing, I'm also feeling guilty that I'm feeling bad when I really should be feeling pretty good!
Did that make any sense to you? Hmmm...it didn't make any sense to me, either...
So here's the thing. I started my new job three weeks ago, and it is KICKING MY TRASH. Hard. I am not accustomed to feeling so utterly and completely incompetent. I am so busy at work that I barely have time to take a potty break, and every day at lunch time I lock my office door and cry while I eat because I am so overwhelmed. This stress is spilling over in a very real and very messy way into my life at home. By the time I get home each day, I am practically frantic because I'm ALWAYS late coming home, and I just don't want to be!! I want to be here when the boys get home from school, and that has not happened ONE TIME since I started my new job. And then it's time for homework and practicing, and everyone is fussy because they don't want to do their homework and practicing, and neither do I for crying out loud! And not only do I not want to do homework and practicing, I don't want to fix dinner and I don't want to unload the dishwasher and I don't want to do anything but crawl whimpering to my bed and stay there for several years.
I know part (a big part?) of the problem is that I'm not sleeping well. I don't do well at all when I don't get enough sleep. But even when I go to bed early, and sleep a long time, I don't feel rested and I don't feel ready for a new day when it's time to get up. (And don't talk to me about sleep apnea...this is my pity party so let me have my cry). Anyway, I wake up in the night and my mind clutches on to some random work thing to worry about, and then I can't go back to sleep, and if I do, I have horrible dreams about stupid stuff like avalanches and something that makes my knees hurt, but I can never tell what it is. Yeah, so the sleeping isn't going that great.
So the truth is--the real and stupid truth--I am struggling pretty hard right now. Something's got to give, but I don't know what, and meanwhile, I'm miserable and I'm making everyone around me miserable.
And that's the news from my neck of the woods. Things will get better--they usually do. And meanwhile, I'll keep robbing Isaac's Halloween candy since my chocolate stash is utterly depleted. And oh yeah, it's Wordless Wednesday, so here you go:
10 hours ago